Now, there’s are mitigating factors. If you’re asking someone out and taking them somewhere fancy that they would never have gone on their own, then it’s more reasonable to cover the whole cost. If you’ve invited someone out that’s in a lower tax bracket, it might be good form to cover the cost. Both of these are cases where your chosen activities may qualify as a burden to your date.

Also – I have run into the “No, I insist that I at least pay my part” discussion… I’ve found an easy solution. If the other person insists on paying, but I insist on paying MY part, then I suggest that I leave the tip. Since I have seen the menu and I know what I ordered costs, and can figure up about what the meal cost, I tip based on that….

I never did but I certainly knew my wife was a match for me when I could use a coupon for dinner and she supported that.

I don’t agree that the man should always pay for the woman nor that if you make twice as much you should pay more often unless you are now in a committed relationship.

You ask out, you pay. If the other person wants to split it, then a polite explanation of your position with an offer to accept being treated the next time is a great approach.

As far as tipping goes, I’ve travelled internationally and I’ve seen my share of lousy service (Australia – where they don’t generally tip) and fantastic service (China – where they also don’t generally tip).

In North America, I think our service is generally quite good. However, when it is not, make sure you don’t penalize the individuals who are not at fault. And, if you feel justified with a less than normal tip, make sure you call the manager over to explain. If you don’t give them information which will help them improve their service, then you are not laying the groundwork for that service to improve.

Most importantly, make sure you do the same when you have great service. Whenever I am fortunate enough to have a great meal or exceptional service, I not only compliment the server, but I ask to speak to their manager as well. And I’ve done this at a KFC, not just at a nice restaurant!

waiter status: sucks
tip: 0%

waiter status: ok but slow
tip: 5-10%

waiter status: nice and convenient:
tip: 15%

waiter status: great service, good advices, proactivity
tip: up to 25%

The worst part is that I regularly tip over 15%…I guess that Montreal waiters/waitresses are awesome (and pretty! hahaha!) ;-)

I do hundreds of transactions per week from couples when it’s time to pay the bill. For the majority, the men usually pay. (The norm is not 50/50) In the long term my friends and I see this as a good thing. If your date really likes you won’t she return the favor by getting you a gift, surprising you with tickets to a show or offer to pay for those car repairs? It’s just a night out, if you can’t afford it, go somewhere you can. Be honest with your date from the start.

But what I really want to get to is the tipping question. Want to hear from the other side? Waiters consider a good tip to be 15 percent of the after-tax total. The reality? We usually get 10-12 percent from most clientèle with a minority who (thankfully) tip much more. (The reason behind this is less about service or any “norms” that are out there. After the GST got reduced a couple of years back, so did waiters’ tips. It had a huge effect on those who depend on tips for a living. Most people tip some variation of the sum of the federal and provincial taxes, which in Quebec is 12.5 percent.)

Waiters have to continuously raise the bar on quality and speed of service. Customers expect good service and one mistake can completely mess up your chances of getting a good tip even though you worked hard to please your client. Waiters give good service not only to get a good tip but for clients to come back. For someone who also has an ownership stake in an establishment, understand that this affects revenue in a big way.

On a side note, when my friends and I go out, we usually tip in the 25-30 percent range. Think that’s excessive? Well… we work in the business, what do you expect?? There’s more to it than that of course :p A good tip is always remembered. People remember and they talk, to everyone. That doorman you tip may let you cut the line next time. The hostess might get you the best table in the place. The barmaid? She’ll serve you before anyone else in the crowd. (I’m not saying to tip all these people of course! Be strategic.)

Best of all, having a waiter come to the back of a line to greet you (by name of course) will impress your date :D

(Next time your waiter screws up, give the guy a break! Remember, he’s your host for the night, ask him what he can do to fix the problem. With a little patience, all mistakes can be corrected.)

(sorry for the rant)

cheers from montreal!!

I liked your playful jab there, buddy ;)

You had me all figured out.

Good idea. Soo… let’s get back to our finances now shall we? :)

Cheers,

Will

Enough of the lava life, and back to finances…

If one partner earns more, he or she is free to invite the other out to a more expensive venue. If the other partner is on a tighter budget, then when it’s their turn, they can ask their date out for an event that better suits their budget.

Rule of thumb – if you’re a guy and you ask a girl out – you pay. End of story.

In my experience, if it’s a first date, usually whoever initiated it pays. Later on, we take turns .. or the “i’ll pay for dinner, you can get the movie tickets” thing.

The only time I actually split a bill is when I’m out with friends. I just don’t think doing math at the dinner table is sexy. ;)

The only deviation from this has been when my date is older (even if only by 4-5 years or so) and earning more than me. Especially if he invites me out to a classier place than I’d usually go by my own income standards (I’m a grad student, and in some of these situations I was still in undergrad), he typically insists on paying. If he’s younger and earning more, still usually 50-50.

Now what if I’m the one earning more? Well, while the fact that I have a healthy savings nest egg may put me in a better financial situation than many other 20somethings, I’ve had a rather meagre income for years while I slog away at the second of two university degrees. So I’ve never really had the opportunity to have a considerably higher *income* than my date. I may face this situation for the first time ever in my life in the next few years, when I will have graduated and (fingers crossed) found a decent job.

The thing is that there no “One Size Fits All” approach to every single situation.

What if you met someone who was for equal rights or was a feminist who insists on equality and “not wanting to buckle to the forces of patriarchy”? (who I’ve dated and had fantastic relationships with). Where do you go from there and how do you handle that? It makes things a little trickier doesn’t it ? :) So having an reference point through our collective experiences certainly helps – for both men and women.

By having this very conversation in the comments, we can all learn from each other.

I’m grateful to Frugal Trader allowing me to open up this sort of discussion here, and I’m looking forward to more of your constructive comments :)

Where’s the chivalry?

Come on guys. If you don’t know this, then you aren’t going to take the next step in the relationship.

Don’t be cheap!

Women have been wanting equal rights, and I agree with it..but not only what benefits them. I have divorced friends in their 40’s who didnt read the sing while dating..they are paying alimony now.