I am a 25 year old step-mom and while working as a full time server in a restaurant I have learned to get creative in finding care for my 21-month-old step-son when we have him and I have to work. Since server minimum wage is a measly $7.60/hour and our economy is slowing tips can be here and there sometimes it seems like it would be cheaper to stay home. I have made a deal with another coworker to trade off on child care for free or have a family member watch him.

My step-son’s mother works full time as a hairdresser and had to resort to putting him in daycare at $25 a day when she had to work and we also had to work. Who is prepared to argue that she should stay at home with him and make no income as opposed to putting him in a place that socializes him, does educational activities and simply gets him out of the house and away from his toys and tv?

Of course, on days that one of us doesn’t have to work we take advantage of staying at home with our little man but none of us could afford to simply do this full-time. Both myself, my partner, and his mother all work full-time now and have to resort to full-time daycare and we are all confident in this decision.

Daycare centres and registered home daycares have workers with Early Child Education diplomas and degrees and while they are not intended to replace the love and care that parents provide I think they are quite capable of assisting caring for (not raising) children and it is reasonable for working Canadians.

Also, I am not opposed to stay-at-home parents. If your lifestyle and career give you this option all the power to you. Playgroups and daily routines and activities are pretty important and so is having a little bit of a life of your own while staying home full-time.

Thank goodness I am getting tons of practice before I have my own children!!

I am a 25 year old step-mom and while working as a full time server in a restaurant I have learned to get creative in finding care for my 21-month-old step-son when we have him and I have to work. Since server minimum wage is a measly $7.60/hour and our economy is slowing tips can be here and there sometimes it seems like it would be cheaper to stay home. I have made a deal with another coworker to trade off on child care for free or have a family member watch him.

My step-son’s mother works full time as a hairdresser and had to resort to putting him in daycare at $25 a day when she had to work and we also had to work. Who is prepared to argue that she should stay at home with him and make no income as opposed to putting him in a place that socializes him, does educational activities and simply gets him out of the house and away from his toys and tv?

Of course, on days that one of us doesn’t have to work we take advantage of staying at home with our little man but none of us could afford to simply do this full-time. Both myself, my partner, and his mother all work full-time now and have to resort to full-time daycare and we are all confident in this decision.

Daycare centres and registered home daycares have workers with Early Child Education diplomas and degrees and while they are not intended to replace the love and care that parents provide I think they are quite capable of assisting caring for (not raising) children and it is reasonable for working Canadians.

Also, I am not opposed to stay-at-home parents. If your lifestyle and career give you this option all the power to you. Playgroups and daily routines and activities are pretty important and so is having a little bit of a life of your own while staying home full-time.

Thank goodness I am getting tons of practice before I have my own children!

If that doesn’t appeal to you than just say, you can’t put your career off. It’s understandable in today’s economy. Some parents even work two jobs at the cost of one parent to stay home with their child (raising them, caring for the home, etc. That’s being honest. Just don’t make other stay at home parents that raise their kids look like we don’t do anything, have no life, etc. It really is an insult.

You also said:
In addition to that, the childcare programs that we are looking at have educational aspects to them such as getting them a head start on other languages such as French.
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You can teach that also believe it or not. You can order it online, or go to your local library, etc. If you don’t have the tolerance or patience for your kid that’s totally up to you. You know both you and your wife’s strengths and weaknesses, and can work with them. My husband is not a house cleaner/organizer, and has less tolerance in somethings, that I can do, and I have things that I’m not good at that he can do.

You said:
In conclusion, there is no cookie cutter answer to the childcare or stay at home question. For us, we could probably make it work financially (with all the child tax credits) if one of us were to stay at home, but we would end up giving up our careers, perhaps for the rest of our lives. Even though we are heavily considering daycare, we haven’t completely made up our minds yet.
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Completely understandable. Parents are the primary teachers of their children. When we have children, that is what we need to know. It’s also why it’s such a huge responsibility to have a child, and should not be thought of lightly as some think today. It’s not for us to push them off for someone else to handle, raise, teach, etc. If you have grandparents, that is great, but realize, they’ve done their job, and are not the ‘primary’ teachers. You talk about being frugal, well sometimes that involves turning away from a higher lifestyle, and lowering your standards for living (forget about the fancier furniture, bigger tv, newer car). Those things will always be there, but our children have a ‘time frame’ with us. You’ve shown that through a mom that made sandals for her kids first day of school. Real living isn’t what you can have, but what you’ve got. Using your talents and gifts to make the most and best out of your life. You have shown this through your site – what has made you to be content with your life. Thanks for sharing.

Taking several years off as a teacher can still be difficult. There can be a huge shift in thinking about teaching methods, developmental psychology, and discipline techniques among other things.

For secondary school teachers, the type of endoresments a teacher has can really impact how easily an individual can find a job. Science and math teachers are always in high demand and finding a job in those areas might not be to hard. On the other hand, social studies and art teachers may have a hard time finding a position since there is simply less demand for those areas.

Since I am a teacher, I have the opportunity to stay at home with my child during the summer breaks. While I enjoy that time with my daughter, I find that I’m more than ready to return to work after two months at home. I’m simply a better mother when I’m not at home with her 24 hours a day.

I am an engineer. My husband is an engineer. We both really enjoy our jobs and our careers, both work full-time. Our 11-month old daughter has been in paid daycare since the final 6 weeks of my maternity leave were up. She is an only child and will remain so. We are both in our early 30s and do not have relatives who can watch her for us.

Quite frankly, after 6 weeks at home with her, I was going crazy. I couldn’t wait to get back to work. I love my daughter, but spending all day, every day, with her, was mind-numbing. I am not one of the mothers who could stay at home with my child and be content with that decision.

As far as all the posters’ (and the original email author’s) advice to have a parent stay at home, I speak from experience as a person whose mother stayed home until I was 17. We (my brother and sister and I) did not have playgroup or structured activities until we were old enough for kindergarten. We grew up in a neighborhood with few other children and no transportation (in the suburbs, can’t walk anywhere). As a result, we are all socially awkward and have trouble relating to people, unlike those that were exposed at an early age to different experiences. Be careful what you wish for. The world is not a bubble. Both sides have to use caution to avoid the extremes and inherent problems with either philosophy.

My kudos to the author, for being honest and brave enough to begin this discussion in the first place.

You are a perfect example of someone who needed daycare as a child because clearly you are lacking basic social skills. If my mom had stayed home when I was I child I would have questioned her work ethic and wondered why I couldn’t enjoy the finer things in life like my friends did. Thank goodness she had the sense to go back to work as soon as she could.

If you hate to say it, why say it? You are obviously a very selfish parent who doesn’t want to be around his children. Putting your 2 or 3 week old baby in a day care is CRAZY. I just don’t get why you would desire a stranger to care for your newborn infant. Maybe at age 4 the child can start preschool. No infant who can’t even talk needs socialization skills, ha!

However, two or more generations ago, the neighbourhoods were teeming with kids of similar age cohort. Where I grew up every house within view had kids my age, so there was little need to go to the library for story time, go to the playground, have a playdate with other kids, go swimming, go to the ball pit at McDonalds, etc There was enough interaction across the back yards (no fences back then) to meet pretty much any socialization need. Once we were skilled enough to ride a bike, we were street rats; biking, Hide & Seek, street hockey, you name it, all around the neighbourhood. We didn’t have ‘playdates’ we just went out and had fun.

At that time, many families were able to easily manage on one salary, and there were many non-career wives, who did stay at home to raise their family.

Today is very different; many could not survive financially on a single income, families are smaller, there aren’t the hordes of children to populate the neighbourhoods. Many parents would not allow their children out on the loose unsupervised today as we were in the 60’s, as they worry about their children’s safety. The choice to use daycare or not is a major decision on the part of parents, however, referencing the good ol’ days is not really a valid comparison.

DAvid

I don’t believe that taking a break from the working world for a few years will destroy my career. It may require more effort to get started again, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. In some ways it is freeing, because it gives me the opportunity to explore new options I may not have if I had stayed on my original career track. I think it provides a natural break that we need sometimes to avoid getting stuck in a rut (career-wise).

Based on some of the comments regarding daycare, and socialization for kids, you’d think that kids that don’t go to daycare all end up shy and socially underdeveloped compared to their peers. I don’t believe this is the case. Two (or more) generations ago, daycare was a rare thing and most kids stayed at home with Mom until school (and Mom was often home after that as well). Seemingly entire generations of children were able to grow up with perfectly fine social skills without daycare. I agree it may be easier for kids to be social in daycare settings, but that doesn’t mean they can’t develop the same skills by “staying at home” with a parent. It requires more work on the parent’s part, but that’s what being a parent is – work.

For example, in a given week I will do the following with my son so he gets to meet other people and kids and experience new situations: go to the library for story time, go to the playground, have a playdate with kids near his age, go swimming, go to the ball pit at McDonalds, etc. When he gets a little older he will be able to go to parent-tot drop-in time at the gym, art class, soccer, gymnastics, part-time pre-school, etc.

I have no problem with daycare and people who want to put their kids in it. I think it’s great that they exist and that we probably need more of them. I also think we need more flexible employers/companies to respect parent’s who decide to stay home for one, two, five, or more years. Besides, for every parent that decides to stay home with their kid(s), that frees up a daycare spot for the rest :-)

Two last comments that relate kids to personal finance. People love to say that no one cares more about your money than you do, the same goes for your kids. Also, when it comes to money (investing, saving, spending etc.) you have to do what is right for you. Again, the same goes for kids.

This is especially true for certain fields. For example, given a choice, would you visit a doctor you never had a relationship with and who hasn’t been in practice for 5 years? If you’re an accountant specialized in tax preparations, how do you keep up with 5 years worth of tax law changes? Or, for an extreme case, a pro athlete sitting out of 5 years of practice and competition?

On the other hand, many fields are more static and won’t be ruined by a 5-year hiatus. However, you will still be competing with a pool of candidates who are either 5 years younger or has 5 more years of work experience than you do. Unless you (or your skills) are in high demand, it won’t be as easy as if you didn’t take that 5-year break.

I suspect that saying a 5 year career break would destroy your career is an exaggeration, but not by much. Most women that I know (who have qualifications) that have tried to do just that have ended up having to work their way up again through admin, which has taken then another 3 or more years. So, that’s probably putting you 8 years behind your peers who didn’t take a career break, which compounds to a lot of money.

At a certain point, especially in the GTA, it might make sense to get a live-in nanny. As such its about $1500/mo plus room and board. They’ll even cook you dinner and clean your house. however I’ve seen a lot of nannies get trampled all over by the kids they’re supposed to be looking after. I wouldn’t want a nanny unless she had a backbone and wasn’t afraid of discipline.

Daycare is a luxury for the relatively (to those who can’t afford it) wealthy.

I don’t begrudge you for buying the big tv. I have a 50 inch HDTV myself and I love it, especially for NFL football. However, I do agree with a lot of what the original poster said. I have a three year old and a 6 month old and it is amazing how quickly they grow up. Your working life will likely be 30-40 years. In the grand scheme of things is the 4-5 years you spend looking after your child before they go to school really that big a sacrifice? You have plenty of years left to climb the corporate ladder. Time spent at the office can never compare to the joy you will get from watching your children grow and being there for them. Do you want a day care worker to be the one to hear your child’s first words or see them walk for the first time?

With respect to day care do you honestly believe that a day care worker making $10/hour can provide the same love and attention that you and your wife can as parents. Tim made the comment that he does not believe there is credible evidence that day care is good or bad for children. Well if you are interested in doing more research I suggest you read the book Day Care Deception by Brian C. Robertson. This is a well researched book with plenty of references to studies on the negative aspects of day care. The harmful effects of extended periods of day care include higher rates of illness, greater chance of sexual abuse, higher rates of aggression, and greater risk of antisocial personality disorders.

I actually think you have the answer to your child care dilemma in your post today. By working part-time your wife will get to spend a lot of quality time with your child and on the days she works your grandparents are there. This will provide your child with a stable loving environment and at the same time allow your family to continue to earn some money. This is what my wife and I did with our first child and it turned out great. My wife really enjoyed the time she got to spend with our daughter. My grandparents also developed a very special bond with our daughter as a result of their time together. We did sacrifice financially and even had to take on some debt temporarily but I do not regret that for a minute. Our children are worth more than any amount of money and the fun moments we have had together are irreplaceable.

And do not worry that your child will not develop social skills if they do not attend daycare. Our daughter never attended day care. She now attends nursery school 3 afternoons a week and is one of the most social and talkative kids there.