The first thing I’d try is to see if your kid likes any of the same things you enjoy. That way you could give the lessons yourself AND spend time with your child at the same time.

For other lessons/activities etc, I’m still trying to figure that one out. My parents’ approach was to basically not spend anything on extracurricular activities, so I had to wait until I was making money on my own to get into things like music (which I still can’t afford real lessons for) or sports. Personally I think there’s a balance somewhere between the two extremes where you can give your child opportunities without making them obligations.

I guess my point is you have to take into consideration a child’s energy level, interest, workload at school, and personality. I would never push my kids to continue in activities they didn’t care for but I would encourage them to stick it out when the going gets tough, because any new skill will eventually require practice and work to master. If they want to get really good at anything, they will have to push through that time when it gets hard and they’d rather quit, because it’s easier.

Even with everything my kids do, they still have plenty of free time to hang out with friends and with us, do creative stuff (they love to cook and paint), walk the dog, listen to music, play with the neighbor kids. Probably because they don’t watch very much tv and we limit screen time to one hour a day (with exceptions for special programs on tv, etc.)

parents will be worried about their kids feeling ’stressed out’ or not having the time to “just be a kid”. i remember clearly my schedule – back in the day (i am 30 now) elementary school ended at 3pm, my (SAH) mom would pick me up and lessons at the local Y or community centre would start at 330. i remember lessons would never be longer than 45 mins-60 mins, we’d be back home by 5pm. i would be left to my own devices until dinner time, then do a bit of homework and further goofing off until bed/bath time at 8-830.

i realize not much of this would have been possible had my mom not chosen to be stay at home and i realize what a great life she provided for me. this is not the decision every parent can make but i really feel the impact now of all the activities i did as a kid

However, after school, he’s all mine. I don’t want to send him anywhere because I hardly spend any time with him except for those hours in the morning and after 6pm and before 8:30 when he goes to sleep.

I grew up in a very “free form” home where I learned independence at a young age. I loved it then, and love thinking about it now. We were 9 kids living in the country, surrounded by forest and water, and blessed with safe, fun and competent public schools. Parents didn’t schedule us for anything – if we wanted to do sports, choir, band, then we did, and we’d get picked up at school after practice. In many ways, a recipe for success.

Reading ‘Outliers’ this week, and came across a bit of of a contrary viewpoint in the discussion of Chris Langan, who had no one around to teach him how to capitalize on his talents. Specifically, it is the example of the 9-year old on the way to the doctor, and how his mother teaches him to speak up for himself and direct the course of the event. These kind of life skills, not taught in the “free form” environment, are important. I do OK in this department, but it’s probably been learned in the decade since I left the nest.

So, to reach the obvious conclusion, there is a happy medium:
-between letting kids choose the activities they want to “play” at and ensuring parents provide some direction and recommendations
-allowing sufficient space to develop independent thought and decision-making abilities, and engaging in an active parenting style, with open debate and discussion.

I lean a bit more toward the “free form” approach overall, but that’s just my bias – I turned out OK!

I believe that it is in our natural makeup (genetically) – or in otherwords – survival of the FITTEST. :)

It’s all about the competition – if you don’t get them started now – they’re not going to have as much advantage over other kids.

I hope that advice was okay…

Till then,

Jean

Quite frankly, activities like hockey, football, soccer etc are pretty expensive and my main focus is on providing what they *need* not want they want.

They’re still happy, well adjusted kids and I can’t see how rushing around like mad every day after school would have made them any better :)

She excelled at the private school because they not only assigned a lot of homework each night, they checked each day for completeness. Thus, my daughter had good study habits.

Then, things changed and we realised we couldn’t afford (or even support the idea) of her attending a private high school. We felt it would be easier for her to integrate into high school if she went back to the public school system in advance.

I don’t know what she would have been like if she stayed in private school but her attitude quickly changed at Grade 7. She became far less diligent with school work; her marks dropped from a high A average to a low B average; she became somewhat disrespectful and aloof. Normal teenage behaviour? Sure, a lot of it… but it was so dramatic.

During her childhood she was involved with swimming, skating and gymnastics, but never were all 3 at the same time and never was more than 4 hours a week dedicated to these activities in total.

I think a kid needs to be a kid and that means time well wasted.

I think it is important to put kids in stuff, ONLY if they REALLY WANT to do it (you will have to remind them of this later!). Speaking from experience with piano lessons, there is nothing more painful than sitting through lessons with kids who you can never convince that they should be there….ie. if they go home and want to practice even a little bit. I can’t imagine coaching a soccer team with kids who all hate soccer! Certainly, there will be kids who seem not to like anything, but there must be at least something they DO like (trust me, there is something!)

PLUS, don’t let kids give up easily. If a child starts drum lessons, at first they will be excited. Then, after a few weeks, they start to “lose interest” because they realize they might have to do some actual WORK. Don’t let them give up in that first little while, that time is CRUCIAL! That is the time children are looking to parents to encourage them, just a little is fine, and then the child usually gets excited because they learn the relationship between work and reward. ie. “I practiced this piece, now I can play it much better.” Kids like that.

If kids have too many activities at a young age, they just burn out. I see it a lot. Unfortunately, it’s usually only one or the other; the kids who are in too many activities, or those that need to be in at least one.

Kids NEED time to “play”. The most crucial time for kids to be involved in things is in high school, where scholarships can make a big difference, and many kids don’t get involved at all. Try not to burn them out before then, is all.