I would base the amount on two criteria – how close (emotionally, not geographically) am I to the couple (the closer, the higher the $ amount) and how expensive is the meal? If they go all out and it is $100/head, well that is your starting point and you go up from there.

students giving 50 is one thing but 75 minimum per person and 100 is good. I gave 300 recently and I admit it was about 50-100 more then I wanted to give but 100 per person is good.

ANYONE claiming 50 or less is average or normal is living in outer space. Reality check!

I don’t know if this is odd, but we keep track of what we’ve received and what we’ve given for weddings. We usually give back what we’ve received as a gift as cash … so if a friend gave us a large cash gift, we also give back to them that same amount. We think of it as a micro-loan, especially when weddings can be so costly and when people need it the most.

There is a wide disparity geographically in terms of what a certain price would get you for food. Gates VP lived in Edmonton, as I do, and 8.75 would not get you a hot meal. Probably just some sandwiches and wraps. But I’m sure where you live Curtis, it’s a nice enjoyable meal. And you’re very lucky to be in such a position.

While it is your special day (the bride and groom), it would certainly not be as special (to me at least) if the friends and family weren’t there. Most will have to take holidays and fly across the country to come to the wedding. Giving them cold sandwiches and pop would not be thoughtful. It is a once in a lifetime event after all.

Your comment:

Why on earth would you offer an $8.75 plate to someone who has traveled hundreds of miles to attend your wedding? Somebody is taking some of their very important time to be with you. In some cases taking their own precious vacation days and spending hundreds of dollars to travel. Your way of thanking them for their attendance is to provide an $8.75 / plate meal?

Thank you for proving my point. Obviously one that is so influenced by price is one that is superficial. What makes a $8.75/plate meal any less good than one for an outrageously high $30/plate? Do you have statistical (or concrete) evidence to back up your claim? Or…is it just because the higher prices makes YOU think it is better?

My husband and I are going to a wedding this weekend and we’re giving $50. Of course, we’re also paying all of the costs to get to Arizona. When my brother gets married this fall, we’ll give probably $100, but anyone besides immediate family gets $50 if we go and possibly $15 back with the reply card if we don’t go.

My family and friends avoid gift-giving for birthdays. None of us needs more “stuff” and it’s silly for me to give my friend $20 for her birthday and then for her to give me $20 for my birthday.

For wedding and bridal showers, I try to keep my gift cost to about $15.

Again, this is in the Midwest. I guess even gift-giving is cheaper here!

We arrived at this conundrum a number of years ago for my parents. Dad had been a problem for decades — we’d spend ages determining the perfect gift; something he would use, had a real need, etc. He’d go out any purchase it for himself just before the event. As time progressed, our parents acquired all they could ever need or want, and after much consideration, we decided to host them on a short vacation trip. Last year we spent some time in Spokane, viewing the historic architecture, and enjoying dining and live theatre. This year will be a wine tour. We now give small tokens at Christmas & birthdays, and coupon a vacation event they would not consider themselves.

DAvid

Wow, talk about flamebait!

Why on earth would you offer an $8.75 plate to someone who has traveled hundreds of miles to attend your wedding? Somebody is taking some of their very important time to be with you. In some cases taking their own precious vacation days and spending hundreds of dollars to travel. Your way of thanking them for their attendance is to provide an $8.75 / plate meal?

Your special day? What arrogance!

My wife and I had a “quickie” wedding in Edmonton this December (no sit-down food, no dance/speeches). Our “thank you” was to take everyone bowling. “Yes, have appetizers & drinks, put it on the tab”. Yes this is our “special day”; we want to enjoy it by having a good time with our loved ones.

We’re having a ceremony back in Winnipeg in August. The cost is $35/plate just for the food and we want it that way. I have family flying in internationally and from parts of Ontario and Alberta, I have other family playing host and offering their precious time to help at the event. Offering a quality dinner and a nice party experience are my way of respectfully thanking them for joining the celebration.

Showing extreme frugality at a wedding (or extreme lavishness) is not something to be proud of, especially when it concerns the guests. It has nothing little to do with absolute number, there’s no moral victory in running the cheapest (or the most lavish) wedding.

FT: What rule of thumb do you use for monetary gifts?
Don’t give them except at weddings? Honestly, I’ll scale my presentation based on my cost for attendance, but I’ll shoot to cover at least the food costs if I can.

Maybe I’m a little charmed in that most people I know don’t need for anything which I why I avoid giving cash. But that’s not completely true. My wife & I are giving cash to our newborn nephew and niece, they just don’t know it yet. They’re both less than 18 months and living with parents who don’t have great means. They won’t starve, but they’ll need the money in 18 years to attend post-secondary, so we’re starting now. I believe that’s pegged at $500/year each (though I’m not sure). One of these parents is 18, her gift was a donation to her driving school fund, she’s now working on getting her license.

But for friends and family, they’d rather get some of my time. Taking a cousin to the movies or an aunt to dinner is a far better gift than cash. Maybe it’s just part of being “well-off”, but I don’t feel that cash registers as a very “thoughtful” gift most of the time (weddings aside).

No limo for us, it was all at the Old Mill.
On the “I have a friend with a digital camera who’s going to take the pics” comment someone made above, I don’t recommend this at all.
My cousin who is taking a course for general interest in photography took pics at our wedding and was kind of trying to shadow the photographer. His pics were awful. Blurry, out of focus and the pics had no real definition. He paid $800 for his cam and another $300 for the lenses. The photographers equipment is state of the art and there was no comparison.
I’ll post more if something comes to mind.

I’m not sure about your situation in particular but maybe a good gift to them would be a photographer for the wedding?
Also, we used a company that kind of specializes in more candid shots. The ratio of candid to posed was about 80/20. We rarely even saw them taking candid shots of us but they turned out to be the best.

Sorry for the long post MDJ

Though we live in Toronto we decided to get married in one of the small towns where we grew up. Less distance for family to travel, cheaper reception hall, and cheaper costs.

One of the most important things to do is tell the caterer that its a family function, not a wedding. The same meal costs a lot less when the caterer does not know its a wedding.

Minimum wage in Ontario has gone up; the caterer has to make money. So unless it’s done small, at home, or on a nude beach (that would be a special wedding), you just ain’t going to get the $10 a plate, unless everyone ate first and it was a totally liquid BYO reception

I am the one that said $10 a plate. Ours was $8.75/plate. Do you think I would just make this up so I can come argue on a blog comment section? Trust me, I have better things to do with my time.