When the kids were younger, and we didn’t have a big house, we used to pack up and go to my husbands parent’s for Christmas every year. This meant we had to pack up the kids, the dogs and all the gifts and then do the same thing (with all the gifts and leftover food we received) at the end of the day. This made for a long and stressful “holiday”. Now that we’re in our dream home though, WE host Christmas and everybody comes to US. Granted, it doesn’t really save us money but I have my sanity and you can’t put a price on that :)

We did something like you did for our kids a couple of years. We tried to instill into them that they are very fortunate and that there are so many people who are truly desperate. So, while we did give them some presents, we took about half of the budget for them and made contributions to World Vision on their behalf to pay for shipping of medicines, clothing, etc. and some livestock.

Last Christmas, their grandma did the same instead of sending gifts to them.

We’ve also worked with an organization that tries to match a ‘Santa’ with a needy family. But, my wife was insistent that we simply don’t hand over a cheque… we bought all of the items ourselves (e.g. baby clothes, toys, a little something for the mother) and also pitched in some money for formula, food, diapers, etc. AND, we actually delivered them to the young, single mother. It was quite a shock – there she was in an apartment with family who were busy smoking and drinking. It left us wondering about what chance the young mother and child would have to become independent (and healthy). It also made us wonder if dear ol’ mom and dad might use some of the money for themselves based on their attitude with us.

We always volunteer at the food bank but you still are sheltered from the real hardship since we are in a warehouse sorting food. I’m sure we would be more involved if we had to face those in need constantly. My family is so very insulated in the world from true hardship.

I hear you on that – but what you can do set the rules first – say maximum present has to be $50. And also before anyone put their name in the hat – they have to write down 3 things they’d like to get for x-mas. :) Maybe even set a theme with a quote about giving and being thankful for what they have – something of the sort to get people to be more humble.

good luck :)

I definitely set a budget for each person I plan on buying for, and do it well in advance. I don’t have kids yet (marriage is on the horizon, tho), but I can imagine how hard that would be with budgeting and all.

I like your tip of giving an experience. We have a great museum here that usually has some big exhibits (Titanic exhibit right now) that’s something like $20. It could be a great gift for a family member, and probably less than you would have spent on a physical gift.

but another great one that my family and friends have been doing is just either doing a secret santa – picking from a at the name of the person you’re going to buy a gift for, or doing an elephant gift exchange – it’s basically a game – you guy a gift (whatever it may be – could even be a joke type of gift) and pay it with the family or with friends.

these are great because you have fun and at the same time you don’t have to stress out about buying gifts for everyone.

more here: http://www.kensavage.com/archives/yankee-swap-tips-rules/

Kathryn – my parents and 1 sister were quite agreeable. My other sister wouldn’t agree but I kept working on her until she agreed (several years later). :)

Now that I have kids it’s a lot easier since they can just buy something for the kids which works out quite well.

DAvid

Russ: Love the idea of the family spending the week at a cottage in the country. Now that’s my idea of Christmas!

Geoff: What is cuthroat Santa? You have my curiosity.

This has worked well for us for over 20 years. This way, there are no hard feelings if someone needs to opt-out to meet with their other extended family (in-laws or out-laws) as they can usually squeeze in one of the 3 days for a visit!

Now, we only buy gifts for the children. But I do have a sister who has no kids, and so I always buy one extra gift for her – it doesn’t seem fair to me that she has to buy gifts for everyone and gets nothing herself.

Food also tends to be divided, although somewhat unevenly as some people are great cooks and others can only contribute store bought goods.

1) Each person only buys presents for *immediate* family (spouse, siblings, parents, children). Not cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, in-laws, etc etc.

2) Food and drink responsibility is divided across everyone – i.e. pot-luck the food, then someone else must get the wine, another person the beer, another person the whisky etc etc.

3) One additional secret-Santa present per person – in addition to the guidelines in step 1, we each draw a name out of a hat and buy that person another present, worth a fixed value (e.g. $50). Every so often, we forgo this and use the pool money to fund something else, e.g. this year we’re spending Xmas week in a cottage in the country.